Solo Parenting...

Life is not easy, but then I suppose if it was, it wouldn't mean as much, and we probably wouldn't appreciate it as much, would we?

Any of you who have children, know how exhausting parenting is, having three is tough, fulfilling, always exciting, overwhelmingly rewarding, but tough. We feel pride and accomplishment when they do something great, and want to pull our hair out when the rules are broken. 
But ya know what, things seemed a lot easier when I didn't have to do it all alone, when I had someone beside me to help push me through whatever we were facing.  That was Before... Before I became the only parent.

Yes, I say only parent, I'm not a single parent, because my children aren't able to go to see their dad on the weekends....I didn't chose this role, none of us do.  It changed me, the way I look at our children, the way I talk to them, and the goals I want for them.  Sometimes, I'm angry that he left us, left me to try to figure this all out on my own.  Sad, that he can't partake in all of the fun activities that the kids like, but we do have the memories of before...

I can't parent the same way as I did before, and I was a pretty awesome parent, at least I like to think so!  I can't discipline the children the same way, because I don't have the same patience or energy like I did before. I choose my battles, like all parents...but those battles aren't fought with the same fight as I had.  Those battles are often won by the kids, not always, but more than before.  Now, my children are young, so battles are often over "piddly" little things.  But at this age it's still a battle... and a battle I will either choose to win or not. I will not be the mother and the father, because, well, I'm not a man, and I will never fill the shoes of my husband. 

But I can try to be the best mom that I know how to. And I am trying...
Trying to get back to the awesome before mom,
Trying to smile,
Trying to see life through the kids eyes, who find the beauty in everything.
Trying to make sure that even amidst the tragedy, my kids know that they are loved. No matter what!
Trying to let my kids, be kids! To have fun, to get dirty and not watch TV all day. 

I haven't given up on myself, or them for that matter.  We will get through this, even if it isn't always easy.